To do or not to do

I was making some lifechanging decisions today. I've been suffering from anxiety and depression on and off throughout my life, mostly because of lack of creativity. But now I asked for some help from my job, giving myself a break from the work I have right now. At the moment Im working at a customerservice, and its killing my creativity, as the university did. I need to find my creative spot, talking about gardening, cooking, photographing and painting. Im sick of compromising with the things I really enjoy to do, such as writing.

Everything started a while ago, with a heavy tireness, and had a hard time taking criticism and easy irritated. After a while I was in a black hole of anxiety. Especially when I got back to sweden and couldnt find myself adapting to the swedish community and mentality, the need of constant confirmation and moneytalking. Of course I need it once in a while, confirmation, but that is for the things I really like doing, like writing. I havent had that for a while, though I know Im good at this and probably will work with it in the future. The future is now. And I have to take care of my time, and my well-being.

During my depression and period of anxiety I learned one or few things. I learn to like the melancolic feeling which is dangerous. I dont wanna be melancolic all the time, but maybe just accept that I am once in a while, like most people. Though I never learned how to canalize my feelings to something creative, oh how I wish I could. I also learned how to accept the anxiety as a way of my mind telling me something, that Im not happy where Im at and what Im doing. Inspelad of laying in a bed of anxiety I let it wake me up and get me going with the day. So even If it woke me up early in the morning with nausea I came to use it as a sign and a tool to get on with my life.

Hopefully I will start my projects soon, just need to make sure Im in a inspiring place which my hometown can be. Lets hope I will have some use of my studies in media and communication and that I can bring something good to this world in the end.