Sacrificing everything for love

So I have sacrificed a lot for love. I sacrificed everything just to go back to Barcelona to be with this guy. I´m not bitter because I've learned a lot along the way, so it's not like my life has been on a break. I thought so when I got back to Sweden and I was gonna pick up the pieces of my life right where I was. I was bitter there for a while, sure, because I was missing love and inspiration, and I was angry I couldn’t find it by myself. Probably that is why I so often got so desperate to hold on to someone, that didn’t really wanna hold on to me. Because being loved by someone was sort of a confirmation, something to hold up me when everything was tearing apart. I never had it easy to speak about emotions, but I know I was tearing apart quite often, mostly because I had to seek confirmation from other people. And when the people are not there around you anymore, you start questioning yourself. Especially when not just your love but also friends leave you behind.

When I got back I had no one really to turn to besides my family, my friends I had already left me because I was never anyone to count on. Because everytime you thought you could trust me I left to go and travel or do whatever. I always was so restless, and bored, trying to spice it up in every way. And when I got back, it got that back to me, not having anyone to trust or really talk to. I was missing my ex endlessly but I was determined to stay in Sweden and finish my studies whatever it takes. I met up with some old friends but none of them were really interested to have any kind of relationship, I started noticed. I was alone, again crying my heart out.

My family was my saviour at this time, especially my sister Christina because we start running and doing exercises together. She had been away for about 10 years living in another city and now I finally got to know her, my own bigger sister. When I got back I also started at the university but since I joined a class that already been together for a while I had a hard time to find some friends. Believe or not, I can have a hard time finding friends, I think it’s hard in general to find real true friends, especially when you’re missing your friends from Barcelona and Mexico. And even more, missing what I thought was the love of my life, well, he sort of was at that time but I learned that every love is different, but some are more special than other ones, and this was. That was why I wasn’t just determined to finish my studies but also continued to dream about a life together with him. That in some way we will end up together..

To be continued..