3 years later, 100 years older

 Yupp, lot has happened since last time, 3 years since I wrote but for me it feels like in a blink of an eye. Time goes so fast these days, and there is none to waste but really I feel like I´m wasting my time a lot, struggling to find a job, the feeling of not being enough, as a parent, as a girlfriend, and trying to relax in between and actually enjoy life. But as I mostly write in my diary, I´m just tired, tired of being unemployed, and trying to find my way to a place where I just can feel at home. I can´t help myself going in the wrong direction all the time, but I´ve been trying them all. Okay, maybe not all. 

Right now I´m mostly focusing on just keep writing in my diary, I started some of my own projects before having my son Melker, but they are right now they are at rest. I don´t really know why, but I haven´t felt like writing about this or that, I don´t feel superinspired these days. I wish I could write about anything, that´s a good writer, who can come up a good story about pretty much anything. I´m definitely not there. 

I guess, having a son has been more lifechanging then ever, I promised myself to not limit myself just because I´m a parent but that´s  exactly what I had to do. After having my son I was exhausted, I slept bad and was worried to my guts that I was gonna end up in a deep depression. Luckily, it didn´t happen, even if I feel like I´m never gonna have the energy I had before, but maybe that´s because right now I have a 2 yrs old and I´ve been running on low battery for quite a time. I need to start being smart when it comes to rest, and I´m not really there yet. 

I still dream about doing writing, but not really doing it. Dreaming about travelling again and finding some new strength and inspiration. The days here are kind of the same, even if I met some cool new people. Sure, corona had it´s time, meeting people alike. Or am I just a dreamer who never will be fully satisfied, that is a problem, but I´ve been at home now for 2 yrs so excuse me for going a bit crazy and bored.