Give me anything to write about

anything, thats what I just said to a friend, finding myself desperate because everything I wanna do right now is to write even if I´m lacking inspiration.

Well, the thing is that this friend also want me to help him with some lyrics, and yes, sometimes I can come up with some quite witty words, but just as I come up with them, I kind of loose them again. Lately I´ve just been creative with cooking, photographing, gardening, and pimping my home, thank god for that.

I also start storing loads of inspiration of pinterest, things that I hope to do one day.

Well, I´m still in Umeå, right now living in the hood working in  customerservice, who could have thought that After many years of studying im still kind of in the same position, looking for my dreamjob, looking for my inner dreams. Just earning a lot lesser money right now, but what is money worth when you´re not doing alright and following your dreams.

Yes, there is a lot of talking for my part, and lesser doing. I´ve been looking for frilancerjobs at the internet and it´s really itching in my fingers. It´s been a long time since I had that feeling but everything started this summer, when I started writing jobapplications and helping other ones with theirs. I started to realize that this is something I´m really good at, as for many other things and I should be able to go wherever I want. The only osbtacle has been my inner stress and doubts about doing whatever I want, it might sound weird but every since I got back to Sweden this anxiety has been getting bigger and bigger.

Here in Sweden the first thing you´ll probably ask someone for is what you do for living and not doing anything in particular is not okay. You are suppose to serve the society to whatever it takes. It´s better to have a job that you hate, then to not have a job. This is a dilemma for me, and so is cutting this anxiety of, and just letting me be, and do whatever I wanna do, despite critical minds.

Tomorrow I´m going to work, and there is the anxiety again. I want to cut it off, start something new, something I can be proud of. I want to build things. I want to craft. Be creative again. It´s been a long time but everytime I do it feels like I´m feeding my soul, nutring it. Soon the battery is gonna die on my computer, but I´m gonna start writing again, about whatever life says to me. I´m gonna go along and feel it, as I once did, and still do, but I´m gonna captivate it into words. And I´m gonna keep on dreaming, and finding my ways, leading my on, taking new directions. Starting tomorrow.