Like me, love me, need me

Trying to be likeable all the time can be quite exhausting, and it can fixate you at goals that are time wasters, such as boys. Sure, everyone should have the experience of love and first kiss, and hopefully many more of them. Cause every love is different, some are more sweeter other are more bitter. I had more of the bitter taste of love when I was young. It made me mad and took so much of my energy and I never realized it. I just hope that any young girl doesn't have to experience it, at the same time I wouldn’t be the one I’m today if I didn’t.

My first real love was sweet in the beginning but came out so bitter that it ate me up right from inside. Sure, love when you’re young, you get over and move on, today it is a bit harder, not because I want to but because there are even more things to count in. Before you sought love to find adventures, today you I look for love to be inspired but also to share body and mind with someone. This is why I’m quite happy I’ve been experience one or two intensive relationships. I can be quite intensive myself, and that is why I’m being drawn to this people, weird, lovely people.

When I was 15 I met my first boyfriend and first love, he was one of them older and cooler guys, I thought. We were driving in his car, drinking, smoking and having fun, taking it easy on life but life got back on us quickly. It took a turn when I saw a addictive behaviour in him, and I couldn’t shake myself of it, more dragged into it. My friends thought it was fun since I was having a lot of parties, but I remember many times coming to school looking like I've done plastic surgery cause my face was so sore from all the salty tears. Fighting was on regular basis, I wanted to change him like I always want to, I wanted to feel needed and important. But it never came to that, instead I was risking my life because I felt like my heart was aching so much that even a knife in it wouldn't make any difference. I never talked about this because I felt silly, stupid and ashamed. Instead of getting out  of there I was on the edge of sacrificing myself.

To be continued..