Save yourself

Okay, I´m as you might understand on my way up, but it´s a long and rocky road, where I bump in to old feelings and new that have emerged. My focus was to go down the road learning by my ways of being, but having a depression makes you forget so it's not so easy. However, thoughts keep coming back as I revive certain moments, guess that's is how it works, our automatic thoughts. But I always try to sort which ones are old feelings, and new feelings, what is true and not true, and it´s never really that easy. Life is not black and white, but to just give myself a hint which thoughts I can be aware of and hopefully to save myself and kill them slowly as I replace them with other ones, or just learn how to live by them. And not just thoughts, but behaviour, memories and everything around.

Before I tried to excuse them, these days I´m probably overanalyzing them. Why do I do this? Why do I have these thoughts? and as a result of that, what are my feelings about it? But as a person I´m quite spontaneous and sometimes I don´t understand my behaviour, which is fine sometimes. But sometimes I get scared because I even hadn't realized what I did or how I hurt people by my behaviour. But then I always think that there usually need to be two people to have a conflict, and that I´m not alone and responsible for the conflict. This is my ways of saving myself, but also people around me, to not see as everything is mine or their fault. And to forgive what has been.

People are very centralized and have it easy not just to shove their problems on other people but also on themself, taking everything personal. As if we are responsible to save the world? Save yourself. Some things we can affect, some not, so we have to accept our limitations and there by let the frustrations go of what we can not change even if we wanted to.

Save yourself by Birdy. I always understand my feelings better by music. That is how I remember, how I process, and get by.